I have a 10 month old who has severe separation anxiety. The child will create meaningful new methods and interpretations during play. Then, even if no kids show up, the party can still happen. His teacher wasn't willing to help him whatsoever in the classroom, and repeatedly suggested he needed meds. Good luck. I'm sorry to hear that about your son... my sister was gifted and she had trouble making friends too. They ask him to play. This is no dream. Maybe you could explain that it is not quantity but rather quality that counts in this world. I believe their are a lot of children just like your son looking for friends. What strategies you suggest are common knowledge, but having the time to sit back and think about them is another thing. lol, All I can say is you have to let your son be himself (even if it means he doesn't like sports and is more of the intellectual type, like mine is). A quick thank you while my 15 month old son is sleeping. It changed my relationship 180°. :) I know it's hard. His classmates see how well he does in class, but when it comes to playing with him on the playground, they don't play with him, or choose him to be on their team. You already got great replies, but I just wanted to say that it was the same for my brother when he was a kid. something he will enjoy by himself or with a few kids. We use cookies to customize content and advertising. Once you get going, it becomes second nature to your child, and he will learn to really enjoy this time. I have asked his teacher what can I do or say to my child to get him more active in play, and she can't think of anything. Our daughter has always been told that her ADHD is NOT a disability, but a gift. He is slow at processing information, but give him time and he can accomplish anything. Stefanie, I am 23. Alhgirt alright alright that’s exactly what I needed! I am 31 years old and have been married for 13 years. Same here. She is an honor student, athelete, club joiner, and has many friends. Thank you said so much! Hello. Although I am not a homeschooler, I know some people that do it and are happy with it. L. B. Important skills only children learn from having time alone. A 4-year-old is likely to be overwhelmed by choice if you simply tell her to … But it’s always after every meal so that part is definitely crucial. I think having a 4 or 5 year old capable of playing alone for an hour will work wonders on my happiness as well as my son’s. I have taken in all the advice, and we are definatlly going to invite the "few" good friends that he does have. I love the GS because that's what they do get the kids involved and help get comfortable with themselves. My lo is 2.5 months old but doesn’t spend time alone. I understand your emotional pain, as when she was in preschool and elementary school the parents of other students thought she was "too much of a handful" to have over for parties, sleepovers, etc. Good luck. I strongly urge you to seek out a professional who can guide you through this process, and also to read legitimate books and research on raising children with ADHD. This is such a great post! You can start with as a little as 15 minutes at ages 2 and 4. After we put a gate in-between the kitchen and front room, it naturally caused my child to learn independent play because he couldn’t get to me after meals when I would be cleaning up. It will make their day that you invited them and will help your son make a friend. You choose the time of the day and with which toys your child will play. My 11-year-old son is on the autistic spectrum. Thanks so much for sharing this with HDYDI and encouraging moms to give their kids a little time to themselves, even as babies. It is good to see that,” says Mona, proud mom of a five year old only child. Maybe it will extend to the schoolyard. These made a HUGE difference in like one day. We have our son in lots of sports... the best seems to be pop warner football... this helps him fit in with other boys and also gets out a lot of energy. I … have you thought about being a soccer mom? His behavior is so much better during during football season! I would suggest beginning to allow him to invite a friend or two at a time over for play dates. It’s never too late to start! "You don't have to talk to anybody," he says. :) Without the care of a qualified physician and the ability to monitor and adjust her medication, I fear what would have become of her. After taking my free email series, you will: I'm Lauren, a military spouse and Language of Listening® master parent coach. I’m currently 34 weeks pregnant now, but I’m the type of person to want to read in advance of different stages and ways of handling things. Once she got 9+ months, I started and it took her a bit to warm up to the playpen. C. B. Put up a baby gate? Remember, it isn't about finding the "coolest" kid to be friends with. Hi Amy, I’ve got a completely and totally stubborn, insomniac 5-year-old boy who absolutely refuses to sleep in his bed. I love to be on the computer because it has the stimulation that I cannot produce on my own. It is finding someone he likes, has similar interests with, with values similar to your own and parents you can trust. I found a baby gate was a game changer. Glad you posted this because I think a lot of moms feel like they have to be martyrs and sacrifice all their time for their children when it’s really ok to have time to do other things. Thanks for this great question. As for the birthday party, I suggest having a combination family/ friends party. So glad I found you on my motherhood journey. Though Grant has a couple of friends, his mom, Cindy Daugherty, has wondered if her son might be isolating himself too much. Its such a hard thing to deal with, but remember kids are very resilient, I hope everything works out for him. I took her off of it when she was 11 BECAUSE I was told these drugs have nothing to do with behavioral issues! In school as the kids get older they get meaner and I felt I needed to rescue him. She is frequently disregarded on the playground. Children need to have confidence in themselves for who they are. There are numerous reasons, but mainly because I couldn't bear to see my son year after year being left out, picked on, teased, and having no self esteem. If you live near me we could set up a play date, he is very nice to everyone. I'm new here, and new to CO as well. Sports outside of school are good- Karate is especially great for children with adhd. What does matter is that he has a couple closer friends. Do you have any advice? Make the process fun for him, like you are going on an adventure to find good friends. The 9 year old turns 10 in September but I feel like they are both about 13 years old with their behaviour. Thank you! My son is ADD and he was having the same problems. Great tips! We adopted my son last year. They accept that she takes medication, and some even remind her to take it. She has been on medication under the care of an ADHD specialist, along with behavior modification techniques. But I’ve been entirely unsuccessful in getting her to play or do anything but scream when I leave her in her room. Hang in there, like I told my daughter, I didn't make any 'true' friends until I was in middle school. Without wanting to admit it… I needed some help. I have an 18 month old. You could offer “special toys” that she only gets to play with for 30 minutes on the weekend mornings in her room and you could call it something like “special playtime” or anything that will help her develop an association with the word and distinguish independent playtime from other playtime. He will learn differently and think differently then most people but thats what makes humans unique. I hope you have an awesome experience! Can you send them to me as well, please? And it’s bad crying thent he next 20 minutes he is so insecure, he won’t let me put him down and is so sensitive. The idea of children playing alone comes most commonly from the book Babywise II. If you are just starting, be encouraged. Besides, the club will probably be full of kids with the same problem he has when it comes to friends and they will need him as much as he needs them. Speaking from experience, there is no great advantage to your daughter playing elsewhere and many advantages to the kids loving to hang at your house. It becomes so easy to give commands and warnings and issue no’s, that you forget to take notice of the good! I wish I had have signed up for emails 3 weeks ago and used the strategies on their school holidays lol. Would you suggest play time in two separate areas or play time together? There are also tons of books and let him talk about his feelings because we learn by our feelings but it might be difficult at first for him to express how it makes him feel. I am very engaged with her throughout the day, and she does very often find herself immersed in something independently and I am able to do other things. Currently I leave him in his room to play, but he comes out looking for me after about 5 minutes. Not only did I make friends but when I did have to quit because of reason's I still have those friends to this day. Sometimes we have different parties throughout the year- like halloween or Christmas- a time for kids to get together and have fun. (A shared Birthday party). I like my research My mom never gave us set times, but both my brother and I liked to draw/colour or read by ourselves throughout the day. I like to let my kids pick the books because there’s a higher chance they’ll actually let me read it if they were interested in the first place.. It’s hard enough to read to kid’s who won’t sit still, try reading if they aren’t interested. If they can't see your little one for the special boy that he is than it's their problem. I just told her to be herself. Today I’m continuing on with my Babywise Basics series and talking about Independent Playtime (If you missed my previous Babywise Basics posts on Why We Chose Babywise and How to Sleep-Train, be sure to check them out). I just thought I'd give you a little insight into our story and hopefully encourage you in that you're not alone in this. Thanks for visiting, Tricia! If your son sees that you are worried he might think he should be worried. He excelled and was also tested as being a 'gifted' child. Developmentally that should be realistic. 45 minutes to an hour later I come back and we are all happily reunited and play together again. Hope that helps. They are responding well and I am looking particularly forward to working through these strategies with my youngest. If you are just beginning, start with just 5 or 10 minutes and work your way up in 5 or 10 minutes increments each day until your reach your goal amount of time. She has never had a problem with the IP in the playpen though. My daughter is 21 months old I never thought of Independent play time. (It's a neuroboligical disorder)I have researched ADD because I don't like the thought of me being different on meds. From my own experience when my mom put me into Teakwondo back in the 9th grade it was a great place to make friends. There are many times when my son protests and we’ve worked through some tough phases with independent play. I think it's more when the kids are interactive with the rest of the classes at lunch, that they are more timid to ask. One kid who wants to be there is better than a room full of nasty kids who will not realize what a great kid your son is until he owns a big company and they are nothing but mean. I also have a friend that has an almost four year old and 1 year old twins. The biggest thing that made an impact was being consistent over time with him. I too am getting the same response from the teacher/principal. I have found like everyone else that the disrespect and bad behaviour is normally when they are at home except for last week. I am so glad I came across your blog. Just not when there’s a gate or restriction up. Copyright © 2020 The Military Wife and Mom  •  All Rights Reserved  •  Site Design by Emily White Designs. Set a timer in the room to signal to your child when IPT is over. If he wants to keep the lights on all night in his room, let him. 8 year old won't play on his own: Playing Alone: Lost tooth / flappy bit left! in middle school they would bus her to the high school for math, and when she would get back, no one wanted to be around her. Thanks for visiting! All the kids at his school, don't see the "gifted" part, all they see is the "ADHD" part. He is also making new friends with other homeschoolers (even those who have similar interests...and a commonality in not being sports-minded). The child can help clean up after IPT. As your baby gets a bit older and into the toddler years, being in the same room typically presents challenges. When I have asked his teacher, about this, it's not because she don't care, it's because she is not on the playground with the kids to see what is going on. *hugs* Things will start getting better for you and your family. So if you are looking to get a few things down around the house or shower or whatever, while our child plays safely and independently, you will likely want to get creative to ensure your child is out of sight or in a separate area. Your only child will get creative when he finds that he has to find a way to fill his time. No mommy, no siblings. If the child doesn’t appear to like the playpen, give it a few minutes and gradually increase the time each day. You want friends who like you for you. And that I’m not a bad mom for wanting him to learn to play by himself. I am 31 years old and have been married for 13 years. As I leave, 9 times out of 10 they will say “bye bye mommy” with a big smile. I'm sure your son is a great kid and will soon find friends who apprectiate him. Ten-year-old Grant Daugherty of Yarrow Point loves spending downtime with his Legos or on the computer and will tell you that playing alone is, indeed, his favorite way to play. He's in the fourth grade, and he is doing fifth grade work. Another perk of teaching your kids to play alone is that you earn a much-needed break. The doctor used strong coffee in small amounts and it worked. If there is, you could see about getting him in that, that way, he can be around people who are into the same stuff he is. He may like student council. But friendships, both in the early grade school years, and later, when they’re teenagers, are crucial to a child’s social and emotional growth. I don’t know why I never really thought about this when my oldest was younger. Initially when your baby is small, being in the same room, yet out of sight, will work just fine. I’d love to hear from you. I’m excited to hear how this goes for you, Charlee! Really need encouragement. Sustained attention span: The interval during which a child can concentrate on a single object or activity will gradually improve and lengthen over time. my youngest son volunteered in the summers and they had swimming and all kinds of activities. Thanks for letting me know that I am not the only parent with this problem. The site focuses on topics that kids told us are important to them—such as stress and physical fitness—using kid-friendly lingo, games, quizzes, and … So if your kids protest, this is entirely normal and it can take a few weeks of consistency for them to realize that this is a good thing and that you are right around the corner if you need them Hope this helps, Ashley! I will send you the links via email. During that age range, kids are typically a bit resistant to independent play. After 17 years of being childless (but envisioning a future life with a calm and peaceful soul), I gave birth at 43 to a larger-than-life, highly spirited, vocal baby whom I couldn’t relate to. Nine-year-old children will begin to have stronger an… I'm not sure when it became easier, but I think he had a nice group of good friends in high school for sure. Ask the social worker at your son's school for some advice. I went through the same phase when we moved here, from CA. Trying to keep the 5:1 ratio has made me realize what a bad habit I’d fallen into. Can you send me these links too! Can you send me the links too? My heart sunk and I signed up for your daily email list of listening. My daughter will be 9 soon. You will likely see better compliance with it, but it certainly isn’t a requirement. Her friends accept her the way she is, loving, creative, free spirited,and an endless bundle of energy. Can you send me those links also? It’ll be interesting to see how my son turns out. I truly believe we moms should feel encouraged when teaching our kids the value of independent play. This isn't your primary goal, of course, but the time you spend alone is also a good example for your children. And now it seems second nature. Thank you! for his birthday maybe you can make a snack and take it to school to share with his classmates. He needs me 24/7. I think it’s important to start young. Our 9 year-old has pretty persistent insomnia: most nights (3/5) can't fall asleep within two hours of going to bed, and some nights (1/5) comes into our room in tears around midnight because he's so frustrated. Again in older infants and toddlers, it is common for them to resist independent play. They are grown now. Yes, really. I’ve done five minute timers the past three days and she’s screamed the entire time each day. I have a 2 year old and almost 4 year old. I’m pretty lucky my son plays fairly well independently. Occurring at approximately the same time every day, IPT typically takes place in a pack ‘n play or play yard for younger babies/ toddler. You just never know. Seems like he is a perfect candidate for that. 9-year-old's persistent insomnia Jan 2010 . lol). Sane parents. K., Not exactly what I'd hoped, but you really can't blame him. They might have some services that will help your son find some friends. I can do anything that I set my mind to even though sometimes it might be a little harder or a little frustrating. This had me in tears because finally someone gets it! What a difference! He is counting the days, now to his birthday. My 2 year is soooo strong willed. Giving myself a little bit of time each day to get things done really helps me be more attentive as a parent. I don't know if this would help your son or not, but my son in 5th grade sounds simular to yours. Great read! It tears me apart. He would tumble and play with his big sister (a German Shepherd who loved toys), run around in circles like we was herding something, but give him a toy and he walks away, no interest at all. Keep doing this until you find someone or two that "click" for him. Teaching our children this important basic skill offers an opportunity to encourage creativity, problem-solving, orderliness, and independence just to name a few. (I have had previous experience with this with my non 18-YO son and refuse to go that route, especially because I don't see him as really having a problem that requires such.) I have an 18 months old and would love to get her to play indepently. He will find his good friends when the time is right. And, you want to guide him to friends you know you can trust rather than ones he may gravitate to as he tries to fit in. Give your child attention first. Desperate for any advice please! I also signed up for your “better listening” email series and have been learning a ton and working on implementing your advice with my 21 month & 3 1/2 year olds. Another idea is to go to an amusement park, or have a day out at the movies with pizza and ice cream, the whole 9 yards... you know, sort of pricey stuff, and tell him he can only have one friend come. I spend my days re-heating coffee while chasing my kids around the house. While she occasionally has independent play, we don’t regularly have it. Creativity: Absolute freedom eliminates the need for creative thinking, while boundaries facilitate creativity. Instead of reminding and counting down and trying to avoid meltdowns, last night we sang the Olaf song as she cheerfully picked out her Olaf underwear and put them on. The girl from one of our previous videos just won't seem to leave my husband alone! Your sons not the only one out there...reading your post is like a review of the story of my life with my oldest son. My heart goes out to you. For instance, someone who is an extrovert might have struggled to play independently as a child. I hope this helps! This morning she pumped her fist and said, “the last one is ‘comb hair!’” before she came into the bathroom and started brushing her own hair.